My Higher Power is John Stamos
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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