dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
