why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
