you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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