i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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