I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
