I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
