Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
