im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
