Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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