she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
