The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
