So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
