i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
