Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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