At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
