you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
