I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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