wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
