Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
