apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
