tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
