I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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