That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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