Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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