i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
