She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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