tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
