fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
