i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
