Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
