He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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