I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
