Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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