You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
