Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
