Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
