I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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