You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
