I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
