I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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