wanna go halves on a baby?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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