three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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