I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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