chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
