What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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