she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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