I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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