do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
