he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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