I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
