Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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