If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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