I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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