Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
