I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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