yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
