they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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