just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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