U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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