There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
