Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
