4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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