They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
